The only people you need to invite are the two people getting married and the person officiated. Witnesses are needed but can be improvised. Amid cries of internalized homophobia, I need to say many people are not equally out to friends, work and family. Most states do not have any from of work place protection for gays and lesbian. So for some, there is a real risk of a job loss when inviting co-workers to your gay wedding. Others may have deeply strained family relationships. Your wedding may be good time to force a little concession from stand off family.
And who does not have a gay friend or two telling you that you must push it over the top or you wedding will not be PC. Before you decide to elope lets look at three things that can help. Use this if one of the events is very small. For example, if you elope or have a small ceremony at city hall you may only have a few people attend. This frees you to have one or more receptions. Say a large reception with family and friends. Then the following week have a smaller reception just for people in your book club. This can be fun and because it's not tied up with a big wedding ceremony. Some peoplecan make it into a big cost saver . Couples who need to elope open to another state to get a legal marriage will definitely be doing this.
Tradition is always your friend. Falling back on familiar things that everyone understands like throwing rice can be a big help. People generally it feel more comfortable if they know what's happening and what's expected from them. Just being a same-sex couple is new and different so you don't need to think of special ways to make your wedding more unique.
It is almost always better to be out than to be in a closet. But some people may be faced with tough decisions. Will being out affect your job? Will this complicate custody rights? Are you worried about being a victim of a hate crime? These are all significant issues that need to be taken into account. If you are coming out, remember it may be painful and difficult for a few minutes but the payoff is a lifetime of the open to people.
Who do you tell first? This can be a difficult question for some couples . In the case of two women there is the tradition of call calling the mother of the bride and telling her first. Letting them both know right away is a good idea. With men no such tradition exists but still telling family who might be otherwise hurt is important. Thought all families are not equally supportive. Make sure the first few people you call, whether family or not and.are going to be people who are supportive and thrilled.
Families can sometimes be the most difficult people to tell. Do you need more help?
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